The Letter
by burbankstorylady
Summary: Bill sits down and pens a letter to Liam and wonders if there is any hope for their relationship to heal.
1. Chapter 1 (Bill's Letter to Liam)

_Dear Reader, I wrote this one-shot "letter" from Bill to Liam because I wanted to explore the brokenness of their relationship. It's hard for me because I am actually a STILL shipper-yes, I'm one of_ those people _. Don't shoot me, please. As much as I love the idea of a STILL happy ending, I hate what it has done to Bill and Liam. So, I don't know…. The following has been a kind of experiment for me, to see what I want more. Open Door A and there will be a happy, reunited father and son (haha). Open Door B, and see Bill and Steffy happily ever after (double haha). I still don't know which door I want more. I guess I want the impossible: for a STILL happy in love and at the same time a Bill and Liam on good terms again. Yeah, I know. Impossible. I guess I'm crazy._

 _Please note that underlined text was text with a strikethrough in my original document. Try to suspend disbelief and imagine that Bill put a strikethrough that word or phrase._

 **THE LETTER**

Dear Liam,

You are going to disbelieve that this letter is truly written by me because the words I'm going to write below are so uncharacteristic of me. You know what I am about more than anyone. You know I'm a selfish man. I take what I want, consequences be damned, loved ones be damned. That is the way I've lived my life heretofore. Dollar Bill always knew what he wanted and woe betide the bastard who got in his way. That was before I saw the look, the hurt in your eyes when I told you that I was marrying Steffy.

I am not worthy to be your father. I have hurt you in ways that utterly rob me of all worthiness to call myself your father. I have not been a father to you. I have been your worst enemy. I'm not going to insult you further (more than I've already done) by telling you now, again, how sorry I am, because I know that what I've done to you is unforgivable. You are good, son. You might try to tell yourself that you can forgive me, but I know that to be impossible even for you with your loving heart. I've treated you ruthlessly. I've treated you as horribly as worse than my father treated me. My father, monster that he was, never betrayed destroyed me as I have _destroyed_ you. Nothing is going to make that ok, but the very least I can do now is promise you that I won't marry her. I _will not_ marry her. Unfortunately, I can't tell you that I won't love her. That would be a lie and I've told you enough lies. All I can do is promise you that I will never touch her again. I will keep my distance, even though it means never knowing the granddaughter I don't deserve.

I know what you're thinking now. You're thinking I want pity. You're wondering if I am somehow fishing for the forgiveness that can never come. Maybe there is a sliver of me that hopes you might take pity on me. It is killing me inside knowing that you and I will never be as we once were and that it is entirely my fault. Everything that has gone wrong between us is my fault, son. My beautiful, loving boy! I lit the match that burned everything between us. We were great once, you and I. Like the Roman Empire. I used to think of myself as Philip of Macedonia and you were my Alexander. I made a great empire for my boys to inherit someday, but you were the one who was going to make it better than anyone could ever dream! And I destroyed you. I broke your heart. My best joy, my greatest pride, my magnificent son…. Now, we are worse than the fall of Troy. Troy was destroyed by outsiders who conned their way inside. But in the case of the Roman Empire, as with us, the poison was already inside.

You'll have already noticed my necklace in the envelope. Pick it up, son. It is yours. Never give up. Never surrender. Be ruthless above all in your duties to love and protect and cherish your daughter. I failed as a father. I know you are the Spencer man to break the cycle. You're the 'great' one.

You and I are broken. I know that. And yet I wouldn't be Dollar Bill Spencer if I didn't hold out some hope, if I didn't keep dreaming that maybe… somehow… Is it impossible, my boy? My beautiful boy? Are we doomed? Tell me we're not like Carthage?

Whatever you want… Whatever you need me to be, that's what I'll be. If you need me to stay the **expletive** away from you, I will stay the **expletive** away from you. But if you need to talk to me, yell at me, come at me. I can take it. I'm at your mercy. The sword is yours. The father is on his hands and knees.

…..

 _I sort of now want to write Liam's response letter. What do you guys think? Please let me know. This is my first_ Bold and the Beautiful _fanfic. I love STILL but I also love Bill/Liam on good terms._

 _I apologize for carrying the Roman Empire/Carthage analogies to the point of ridiculousness. I've been an on-again-off-again B &B fan so I don't know if Bill ever toyed with such analogies. I'm just weird. _


	2. Chapter 2 (Liam's Response)

_All right. Here it is. Liam's response._

Dad,

You're right about one thing. I can't forgive you. Believe me, I want to forgive you. I'm sitting in Wyatt's house. Scratch that. Your house. I'm looking at a picture of all of us- you, me, and Wyatt. We look so happy. It's a snapshot from another time and another dimension, I don't even recognize us. I'm so angry at you right now but I'm also tired of being angry. I miss my dad. I miss my dad who used to have my back.

I don't want the sword! That damn sword has been the symbol of everything that has gone so terribly wrong. Seeing it on Steffy just about killed me. I appreciate how hard it was for you give up on marrying her, how hard it is for you to give up on anything that you set your mind to do. Truthfully, I don't know what I can do for our relationship right now. I'm too exhausted. I'm exhausted from all the lies and deceptions between us. I don't know if I can ever 'get past it' or forgive you, or even somehow stop being angry, but I do know that I wish I could do all of those things. I wish above all that I could forget. Where is amnesia when you need it? Dad, I don't know what the future holds for us. I don't know where we go from here. I hate you and love you and miss you and yet I'm terrified of what you've become. I don't want this toxicity for my little girl, but I also don't want her to grow up without any relationship with her paternal grandfather. One day at a time, and baby steps, I guess. Not marrying Steffy is a good step, Dad. Honestly. I can't give my blessing to you marrying the mother of my child and, as her grandfather, being her stepfather too. I don't even know that I would be able to accept that, ever, or forgive Steffy for putting Kelly in that situation. You and Steffy being married would be the nail in the coffin. To use your Carthage analogy, it definitely be scorching our relationship. On the other hand, if you don't pour the salt, maybe we can rebuild. Rome can rise again, so to speak, but it won't be accomplished in a day or even a week or 52 weeks.

I'm looking back a lot. Remembering all those times you dissuaded me from Hope and championed the cause for me and Steffy. Even after everything came out, you tackled me to the ground to beg me to stay with Steffy and raise our child as a married couple. It's all so confusing. You wanted me with Steffy, then you wanted her for yourself, and even took her, and then you just wanted to push her back to me, or push me back to her, or something. And then you schemed to make me think she wanted you, so that I wouldn't go back to her, and it worked so well that I fell into Hope's arms and almost married Hope, and would have married Hope if Wyatt had not told me what you did. Actually, I was still going to marry Hope, but Hope…. Hope didn't want to go through with something that only happened as a result of your lies. Then Steffy had the baby, early, because she fell after slamming the door on you! For that alone, I should probably be feeling patricidal! Dad, what is going on? You want Steffy for me, you want Steffy for you, you lie and scheme and everything goes crazy. All the chaos in our lives right now is traceable to you! I know you took responsibility for that in your letter. To your credit, you owned it. I guess I just need to know…. I need some kind of assurance as to what you really want. Are you truly finished manipulating all of us? Are you truly ready to just be my dad and Kelly granddad and stop this nonsense? Because if not, Dad, you're going to destroy us, and really, you're going to destroy yourself. You have lost your way, Dad. Unless you truly are going to be the man I know is still in there somewhere, very deep down, I don't want you back.


	3. Chapter 3 (Liam's Call)

_This chapter is set immediately in succession of Bill's receipt of Liam's response letter. I just want to iterate for the reader that this entire fic does not follow to the letter the events on the show. In this telling, it was Bill, not Steffy, who ended their 'arrangement,' because he decided to prioritize his relationship with Liam over his love for Steffy._

Justin breezed into the boss man's office, whistling and grinning. His grinned vanished at the sight that beheld him: Boss Man slumped in his chair, staring at a document, looking as if the paper held the news that the world was to end tomorrow.

"Dollar Bill!" Justin cried out, hoping his light tone would shake his friend out of his depressing mood.

Bill looked up, surprised, but unfazed. "Oh, Justin." Bill put the paper on the desk. He sat up a little straighter and seemed to be trying to feign attention to Justin. "What's up?"

Justin looked at him knowingly. "Bill, what's going on? This is a great day for Spencer Publications."

Bill forced himself to chuckle. "I know, I know. Eye on Fashion has reached the highest circulation in the fashion press in the entire world."

"Right," said Justin, slowly as if confirming the words of a toddler. "Which is why we need to be out celebrating, not sitting in here, alone, looking like death worn over."

Bill stood up, smiling, and moved to the bar cart. "Let's have a drink." As he handed Justin a drink, took a sip of his drink and then lifted it as for a toast. "To Eye on Fashion. Watch out, Conde Nast. There's a new sheriff in town!"

Justin laughed. "There he is. There's the Dollar Bill I know and love."

Seated again, Justin addressed Bill seriously.

"Now, Bill come on, talk to me. I know you gotta be trippin' over ending it with Steffy, but, dude, in my humble opinion, you did the right thing. For your son and granddaughter. You've got to repair your relationship with your son. Forget Steffy."

Bill shot Justin a disbelieving look. "Forget a woman like Steffy? That's impossible."

Justin rolled his eyes. "Of all the women in the world willing to throw themselves at the feet of someone like you-rich as Midas, good looking… well, not horrible looking…." He trailed off, chuckling at his friendly jibe at Bill's expense. "No, even with all those options, you choose to obsess over your son's wife… or ex-wife… or fiance, or whatever their current relationship status."

"Ex-wife," informed Bill. "Steffy wants to focus on herself."

Justin looked impressed. "That's a good idea. Good job, Steffy. What about you, Dollar Bill? You gonna focus on yourself? Do some meditation? Read some self-help books? Get that bull head of yours screwed back on nice and tight? What was that document you were staring at when I came in? Notice of impending nuclear disaster, if the look on your face was anything to go by."

Bill smiled. He liked having Justin around to tease him in a way that no one else dared. Justin always gave it to him straight. Sometimes Bill was annoyed by it, because Justin often sensed the truths that Bill did not even want to admit to himself, but on balance, he had to admit he'd rather have a Justin than not.

"Liam's letter," Bill said in answer to Justin's query. "I've been rereading it obsessively."

"May I?"

"Sure." Bill handed him the letter and watched Justin read it. He couldn't help smiling everytime Justin raised his eyebrows and whistled in amazement over Liam's words.

Finally, Justin finished reading it and handed it back to the boss man. "That boy of yours is tough. He's right though."

Bill grimaced. "Yeah."

"You gonna write another letter?"

Bill shook his head. "No. I've been trying but…. I can't say everything I need to say in another letter."

"Hash it out face to face?"

Bill nodded. "I think it's the best way." Bill leaned back in his chair. "I hate this, Justin."

"What's that?"

Bill exhaled. "All of it. What I've become. What I've done. How I hurt my son. And for what? It hasn't gotten me anything that I wanted."

Justin considered these words carefully. "Well, to be fair, you did walk away from Steffy, not the other way around. She was going to marry you, in exchange for your Forrester stock. I can only assume you came back to your senses when you called it off."

Bill nodded. "I don't know if I made the sensible decision. Steffy is my soulmate. She's my equal. She is the female Dollar Bill."

Justin laughed hard at this. "The female Dollar Bill? Even more than Katie or, better yet, Brooke?"

Bill shook his head. "Katie and Brooke are exceptional women, but neither can hold a candle to Steffy's tenaciousness and potential."

Justin shot his friend a looking of warning. "Don't do it, Dollar Bill. Don't go there. You made the right decision in turning your back on that cockamame arrangement. Not only does it mean you keep your rightfully owned shares in Forrester Creations, it means you have a fighting chance to regain the love of your son!"

"I know," Bill sighed, leaning his head against the back of his chair. "Yeah, I know, Justin. I mean, I don't give a shit about the Forrester shares. I'd give those to Steffy no strings attached, in a heartbeat."

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah, why not? It's her family's company. I have enough so that I can give that to her. Besides, there's no one better to own control of Forrester than Stephanie Forrester's granddaughter and namesake, and someday, those shares will pass into the hands of my grandchild."

"Except you haven't given away those shares. Right, Bill? Tell me you didn't…"

Bill smiled at his friend's concern for his financial wellbeing. "No, Justin, I didn't. I still own my shares of Forrester." He had to chuckle at the sign of relief from Justin! "I'm just saying that…. Giving those shares to Steffy…. There are worse things. That's all I'm saying."

"But, Bill…. Come on. Let it go, man. Let Steffy be. Focus on your family. Your sons. Your granddaughter. And the legacy you've built for their sakes."

Bill threw up his hands. "All right, all right! I get it."

Something suddenly occurred to Justin. He looked at Bill skeptically. "This is too easy."

Bill arched his brow. "What?"

Justin frowned. "Now that I don't agree, but you're giving up on Steffy way too easily, Dollar. You've been strung out for months, gazing out of the window, not hearing me when I'm talking to you about business, your mind obviously on things more appropriate for a bedroom than an office. And yet, all of a sudden, when Steffy is coming to you in desperation, you just… what? Give up? Throw in the towel?"

Bill took a long, deep sigh as he swung himself in his chair to face the window. "I saw the look in Liam's eyes. It was horrible. I knew that I was the cause of that pain inside him and I had to try my best to make it ok. Not that I _can_ make it ok but…. I just couldn't keep going with something that I knew was causing my son pain."

"I'm impressed, Dollar. I'm also proud of you."

Bill's iPhone lit up and played Wagner's Ride of the Valkyries. He was pleasantly surprised to see Liam's name. "It's Liam. I don't remember the last time he's actually called me."


	4. Chapter 4 (Absolution)

_I wrote a silly chapter which I have decided to set aside…. Maybe I will publish it here as a separate one-shot. But for now, here is my continuation of 'The Letter,' and I just want to say that it is a real supplement to what is going on in the show now. This chapter assumes the result of Bill and Liam's confrontation on episodes 226 and 227 (season 31)._

My inspiration for this chapter comes partly from the 1995 BBC adaptation of Jane Austen's _Pride and Prejudice_. Darcy manipulated events to separate his friend Bingley from Jane Bennet, a lady of paltry fortune whom Bingley had fallen in love with. But Darcy had not realized that Bingley and Jane were in love; he was only afraid that Jane and her family were fortune hunters and social climbers. Which of course they were, but Jane and Bingley were truly in love!

Darcy: I can offer no justification. It was an arrogant presumption based on a failure to recognize your true feelings. I should never have interfered. It was very wrong of me and I apologize.

Bingley: You admit that you were in the wrong?

Darcy: Utterly and completely.

Bill's letter to Liam

My dear son,

My heart is broken. You hit a nerve and while it hurts like hell, I'm glad you did. You have opened my eyes and I see more clearly now than ever before. Years ago, when I learned that you were my son, something inside me felt that you would end up being my greatest pain in the ass and yet my greatest blessing too. I love all my boys, but you, you were first. Wyatt is older, but, strange as it sounds, you were the first to be my son and, because of that, I always think of you as my first born. I don't have a favorite. I love my boys equally. And yet… I can't explain it. I love you differently. You said the word absolution. There is no absolution for what I've done to you, but you are _my_ absolution. I see in you what I should be. The man I ought to be. The father I ought to be. The husband I should have been to Katie. My wrongs go back a long way but I see now that I really began my self-destruction when I failed to control myself with regard to Steffy. She was blameless. She was so very young. I knew better. There is no excuse for me. I wanted what I wanted and I went after it in spite of the pain I left in my wake. I knew it was wrong and I pursued her anyway because I was selfish. I have been selfish all my life. My father taught me good business sense, but I never learned good principles. And when people tried to show me good principles (people like Katie, people like you) I paid lip service; I went through the motions, but deep down I still hungered for what wasn't mine. I was human enough to accept that Katie's heart attack was my fault, but again, I just couldn't be honorable. I had to push you to marry Steffy in order to make a line I supposedly would never cross. Except I did cross it, and if that were not atrocious enough! I lost you: My darling son, my absolution, I lost you and so I just let the floodgates roar open. I was determined to have what I wanted, consequences be damned, because you were lost to me, or so I thought, anyway. I can tell you that I'm sorry, and I am, and I mean it, but I know there is no forgiveness that is possible. I'm here for you, for Kelly, for Wyatt, and for Will. Not because you are my family. You are not _mine_. You're not my possessions to move around the way I wish or need you to do. The wall I tried to make by manipulating you and Steffy together, all that was just me treating you like pawns on a chessboard. You are not mine, but I am yours.

I love you.

Dare I sign this "Father" even though I gave up my right of a father to you a long time ago?

 _Thoughts? Melodramatic much? What do you think? Is Bill sincere or is he just manipulating Liam's feelings again?_


End file.
